"Are you Envious because I am Generous?"

This parable and line in the Gospels always gets me. Because it seems every time, no matter the hard work and effort I have put into growth, I am faced with my same honest response.

Yes. Yes, Lord, I totally am.

There are so many areas of life in which I see the good gifts others have received and immediately my heart twists. It is almost a subconscious conditioned response at this point. The financial good deals, the publicly applauded achievements, the answer to prayer, the blessing of a child, the fulfillment of a deep-seated desire, the list goes on and on. Anything that I find desirable and want, when I see it given to the open hands of another, while mine remain grasping and empty, presents me a major challenge.

It is natural to see the good things others have and to want those things for ourselves. Goodness is attractive and desirable. You are not bad for wanting good things! You are not bad for seeing someone else’s success, belonging, achievement, etc. and feeling drawn toward it yourself!

So the question becomes, how do we stop at the natural acknowledgement of the goodness of someone else’s gift, without becoming embittered toward that person themselves for having it? Or even further, how do we not become embittered toward God? How do we not start to resent Him? I know from experience it can start to feel like He is picking sides, playing favorites, or rewarding other people’s prayers and faithfulness more than our own.

We can start to resent His generosity.

Something that has been helpful for me in this way has been to think about the very nature of generosity. A generous person is someone who gives freely and greatly. They are someone who holds nothing back, who is others-centered, and lives a life of service to those around them.

God is a generous God. So much so that everything that is in existence is a gift from Him to us. James 1:7 tells us: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights…” Everything we own and possess, everything we have, everything we are, is a gift from God. God has given us our own life, and sustains us in existence. The very fact that you exist right now and are reading this is proof of His generosity!

And even more, God has been so generous as to give us the very greatest gift possible: Himself. He has given us Himself through the Sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for our sins. And He continues to give us Himself through the gift of the Eucharist.

God cannot be outdone in generosity.

And even if there remain countless unanswered prayers, unmet desires, and even suffering and pain in our lives, God is still always so generous toward us.

And the natural response to a generous person? Gratitude.

So this becomes my prayer. Jesus, next time I experience a good gift from You, help me have a grateful heart. Jesus, next time I witness someone else experience a good gift from You, help me have a grateful heart. Help me recognize that their good gifts come from You. Help me praise You for your generosity and goodness. Help me trust that You know and see all and have my best interest at heart. Help me trust in Your timing. Help me be with You in any frustration in my heart toward feeling like I have not been the recipient of Your generosity.

In the presence of Your great generosity, help me replace my envy with gratitude.