The Slippery Slope of Spiritual Comparison

During my junior year in college, I found myself surrounded by a flock of beautiful women. I was blessed to be studying at a phenomenal Catholic school, and the deeper I grew in community, the more I grew in admiration and appreciation of these women. While being my peers, I could honestly say they were the type of women I aspired to be when I grew up. As I grew closer to them, and we started intentionally walking the path of faith together, a common thread started making its way to the surface. Despite the spiritual richness and depth I encountered through each one of them, it was a richness which they themselves were blind to. I started to notice a similar blindness to my own gifts as well. The truth is, comparison speaks as a lie so loudly, and it can easily become manifest in faith-filled communities of women in the form of spiritual comparison. I believe, however, that when we embrace our unique relationship with Christ, we can reject spiritual comparison, and denounce it in the lives of our sisters as well.

“But why doesn’t my faith life look like hers?” These words became more frequent in my ears as they became louder in my own head. And what disturbed me the most, was this was coming from women with undeniably God-given gifts and talents. And yet, in their own eyes, they were only seeing the gifts and talents of others. Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever heard lies of “why can’t I pray like her?” or “she is able to reach people so much better than I can,” or “she seems so in touch with God… I’ll never be like that” ? It’s ok if you have, I’m right there with you. But I’m also right here with you, doing my best to convince you that those thoughts are never of God. Let me ask you a question. Do you believe God has a personal relationship with you and a unique purpose for your life? The answer is yes. Do you want to have the same relationship and purpose as someone else? I sure hope your answer isn’t yes! The truth is, Jesus knows each of us individually. If you don’t believe it already, you need to start believing that He speaks to you in ways which He does only to you, and your relationship with Him is unlike any other. So, if your relationship with Jesus is unique, why would it manifest itself in a way identical to someone else? Sisters, if your prayer, or your praise, or your walk with Christ is identical to someone else’s, then it is fake. Your prayer and your praise are an expression of your personal relationship with God. You do not need it to look like anyone else’s because yours is the way He wants it. St. Paul describes different ways in which the Spirit might become manifest in our lives:

“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit…to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are inspired by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as He wills.” (1 Corinthians 12:4,8-11)

Some of us experience these gifts, as a manifestation of the Spirit’s work in our lives. And maybe, some of us don’t seem to fit into a category here. That’s ok, but don’t let that discourage you, because each of us has received a gift from God out of His abundance (1 Peter 4:10). And maybe your gift isn’t as outward or visible as someone else’s. Maybe you’re not even completely sure what that gift is. That’s ok too. That doesn’t make it any less. After all:

“When you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men… but when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6:5-6)

This is not to say that vocal prayer our outward expressions are bad. Far from it! If that’s the gift God has given you, then use and use it unashamedly! But do not force it.

Spiritual comparison is far from a new concept. Martha compared her service to Mary’s. Rachel compared herself to Leah. Comparison is never of God. It never makes either person involved feel good, and rarely brings about goodness. We know that comparison, honestly, stinks. So what is the cure? An assurance of our own worth, and a gratitude for the goodness in others. My friends and I in college realized the hard way that comparison, and particularly spiritual comparison, will never get us anywhere. After all, when we compare ourselves with one another, we are without understanding (2 Corinthians 10:12). Rather, rejoice in the goodness in others, knowing that it doesn’t take anything away from the goodness in you. As sisters, we all bring a unique gift to the table, and combining these together, we can each beautiful contribute to the vibrance and life of the Church, while ridding ourselves of comparison of all kinds. Time to get started.